How often do you thumb through Instagram, catch forwards, spot on and off-screen antics of middle-aged celebrities pouting and pirouetting to look half their age? Filters, apps, pancake make-up, Photoshop, latex huggers, micro bikinis, the mad scramble to net in ‘likes’ and ‘followers’ has had its spin offs in an entire tribe of celeb-momagers, who think they are still young and nubile, but are cloaking jowls and wrinkles, while squeezing into tiny clothes, see through wispy panels and sheers, and twerking in two-size small body shapers and hot shorts. It is a classic case of trying too hard – making 46 look 14 – and is downright wince-worthy.
It isn’t bold. It’s crass. Madonna can’t rock it either, in barely-there shorts hanging over her bum cheeks or her moles on display in front row seats. Feeds are abuzz with buxom pictures of Aishwarya Rai in a front-popper gown, Disha Patni in boob enhancing and toting cuts, plunging cleavages, and nodes on display in a miniscule blouse at a store launch – case to point Malaika Arora, who doesn’t seem to have (remarkably!) aged a single-day. There are self-confessed fitness experts and yoginis thinking they are aging backwards and hence carrying the license to wear outfits that completely go off mark in nip slips both on and off the ramp. Sister Amrita Arora too appeared a la a fuzzy pink chicken in a mini at a private party, with Kareena Kapoor sucking her cheeks yet again for that perfect-cheekbones look on camera, yet again. There are butt cracks, derriere cheeks and camel toes galore dotting pictures everywhere you look. PeeCee took the cake, baker, bakery et al in flop version of the chest- slash dress with sky high slits, and eye candy Jonas in tow, and the New York twang in her vocal chords. Age, dearies, is a stealthy thief, creeping in on all of us despite the facial distortions we might do in the name of face yoga or follow unbelievable weight loss pursuits otherwise, the veins are bound to surface up.
It’s a case of trying too hard, with low cuts and nether regions on display, and ending up with egg on the face. No one wants to look their age, in a poignant lack of grace and taste. Everyone just wants to form the paparazzi focus. So, when you squint and look, everyone looks the same
Shilpi Madan for Sunday Chronicle