You’ve been cooped up for months now, and forget about enjoying old fashioned romance, tempestuous outbursts may well be throwing your emotional thermostat out of whack. Think victim of love.
“In our 30 years of marriage, this is the longest that Sagar and I have stayed together, as he is mostly on ship,” says home maker Aradhana Barua. “I have always been the undisputed queen of the house. With him around and having too much free time, there is constant interference: in my instructions to the house help, to finding fault with the dishes I prepare…I am fed up with the bickering, criticism , and complaints. When I return from my morning jog, I am unable to sip black coffee in peace. Either I have to listen to how messy my cupboard is, or how papers must be kept…or watch him eavesdrop on my conversation with my friends, and fight over the remote control. I am willing to even drop him off at the vessel, to buy some peace. With the earlier routine, he used to be around for a month (that was our honeymoon period), and then leave again on assignment. I called up the airlines the other day to confirm that international flights are commencing soon. I just can’t wait for him to leave,” she says honestly.
Says psychotherapist Alaokika Bharwani, “This is absolutely normal, the need for intimacy and separateness, in every relationship. When you were out on work, you looked forward to re uniting with loved ones. The quantity time, at present, does not essentially translate to quality time. Prolonged proximity does lead to ouch moments and often, to feelings of claustrophobia. There is no black and white solution. You have to carve your own space out, drawing boundaries. Organise your day into work, family, me zones…Have meals together, watch a movie, play games, or simply chatting, with zero gadgets in the evenings. Work at bettering communication, with anxieties and ambiguities being on a high in Covidian climes.”
The key lies in working harder on yourself than on your job. Work comes and goes, but relationships last if you invest love and time, especially when they need it the most. Revise your focus. Says practising counsellor and psychotherapist, Archana Jambusaria, “The problem is ‘expectation’. We expect the world of our own selves, have extra expectations of others. Desist, as we are not used to our emotions running this high. Review your emotional well being and focus on stability. Have short term goals, with the end to the current situation ambiguous. Express your feelings freely, without focussing on the weakness of your partner.”
Shilpi Madan for Mumbai Mirror
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